Are you using your relationship as an excuse not to show up for your business? | Susan Francis

Let’s be honest we all make excuses for not doing things from time to time.  When we make excuses over silly little things most of the time it doesn’t really matter as in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t have a huge effect on what we want to do in our lives, but as a business owner making excuses about the things that will create big shifts in your business can have a huge effect, not just on the business but on your self-esteem and when that happens it can stop you moving forward at all.

Having a business to run and a relationship to maintain can be difficult, especially when the business is based around your dreams of a bigger and better future.  You and your partner may not share the same ideas, understanding and motivations for your business and you may feel like you always have to convince them and justify why you want to do what you want to do, especially when it means investing in your business or yourself.  If you are often feeling that you have to explain the ‘whys’ about your business to someone else, it can be very easy to slip into using them as an excuse not to push your business higher and further when really it is your own inner resistance and fears that are getting in the way.

Whenever we are looking to create big shifts there will always be some form of resistance and the bigger the shift the bigger the resistance.  Most of the time we know what it is we need to do to create a fabulous business, the reason we don’t just get on and do it is because we are resisting in some way.  I can think of plenty of times when I have planned out what I am going to do and when I have started to get on with it, I found other more pressing things to do or someone to blame it on for not being able to concentrate and get my head in the game.  None of us are immune.  We can all procrastinate and come up with a multitude of reasons why we can’t do that thing right now.

If it’s your relationship that you are blaming this can really be a killer, for your business and your relationship.    Not only are you not pushing your business forward, bringing in clients, serving them effectively and earning the money you desire which affects your confidence and self esteem as a business owner but you could end up resenting the person you love for what’s actually going on in your own head.

Overcoming resistance is one of the main reasons a lot of women fail to gain the success they desire in their business.  It can stop you in your tracks, tie you in knots and have you wind up feeling useless, helpless, questioning your abilities and completely uninspired.

But guess what… It’s just an illusion!

Resistance is typical limiting behaviour that our subconscious creates to keep us safely tucked up in our comfort zone and sometimes it can feel good there; however that feeling doesn’t last for long.  Pretty soon you’re back to kicking yourself and wanting to get on with it, possibly doing the rounds again.  Creating big change demands courage, conviction and a sense of purpose and sometimes that can be scary. Resistance is a normal reaction to change.  It’s based on FEAR.

“FEAR is an acronym in the English language for False Evidence Appearing Real”

— Neale Donald Walsch

Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if we didn’t feel it, we couldn’t protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are far from life-or-death, and hold ourselves back for no good reason

Our attitude to it and the way we deal with it is the key to overcoming it.  You cannot avoid it but you can learn to understand and manage it.

How can you tell if you are being affected by resistance?  When you start off feeling inspired and motivated to do something and gradually you come up with reasons not to and ‘talk yourself out’ of doing things, then that is a sure sign that resistance is at play.

Take a reality check ~ when you find yourself feeling resistance and making excuses look at what is really going on for you.  Understanding and identifying your resistance is the first step to overcoming it.  Ask yourself what you would do if this was not an issue.  This should then help you start to uncover the first steps to moving forward.  Are there any further resources or support that you need to help you move forward?

No matter what’s going on we can always find ways to blame others for not getting what we want and yes there are times when someone else does have some level of control over what you are able to do and that can be frustrating but allowing yourself to believe that others are stopping you from doing everything you want is probably not being fair to either of you.  When there are times when someone else has an element of control you have a choice whether to wallow in self pity and play the blame game or look at the situation objectively and decide what you CAN do in the current circumstances.

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